i’ll take middle-aged man for 100

7 Jun

Sunday, June 6th

For the length of my marriage to Tom, he’s always talked about coming up with that “one thing” that will make him a millionaire. That one thing will cost $1 and if 1,000,000 eager shoppers purchase this “one thing”, we will make a cool million. However, 14 years later I’m driving a 10 year old van that has so not leather seats, chocolate milk-fish crackers-gummy snake laden seats and dents from random teenagers who feel that hitting my van is a right-of-passage. Now, I’m sure there are frugal millionaires who drive dented minivans, but somehow I think they at least have leather seats.

What I’m saying is…Tom is still drumming his fingers on what that “one thing” will be. Meanwhile a diaper-bag toting mom has come up with some gidget with which you accessorize your Crocs. Another mom snapped up the idea for a shopping cart seat cover thinking that it would create a “bubble boy” effect – (I guess she didn’t realize that the germs actually extend past the seat.).

Alas, I think I’ve beat him to it…I’ve come up with a game that, well, o.k., won’t make me a millionaire but will surely draw in the masses from my generation. It includes a combination of Alex Trebeck and Facebook. Now, I know you’re intrigued so let’s get right to the object.

Object: Read through the following list of Facebook status updates. The object is to figure out the age of the poster. The person who correctly guesses the appropriate generation wins a) not a million dollars (“…if I had a million…”), b) an unlimited amount of “defriend” choices and c) a very used shopping cart seat cover that I see poking out of my neighbor’s garbage can.

(*No names will be used to protect the “innocent”.)

1. -almost ran over a skunk on M-24 today.

2. -with Madeline

3. -”Profound Quote”

4. -is boorrrreeddddd

5. -wants to go to an amusement park. kinda.

6. -just met Jasmine Edward’s owners. Her name is really “Fiona”. They don’t seem to care that she lives at our house.

7. -Date night with my favorite boy

8. -went horseback riding with Mike this morning! Shamu was a baaaad horsey.

9. -thinks Facebook really sucks the life out of people sometimes, I may or may not be sick of arguments that start because of Facebook posts…

And…I think I’ll leave it at that. Such soul-bearing depth.

Keep your eyes open for my new blog called, “Ode to Jack Handy” wherein I will contribute one new “Profound Quote” from Facebook daily.


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